Derby Stank

DJ Smear-O is a recidivist stinky gear offender

Derby is a rather sweaty sport. We sweat even when we are just standing around talking about our weeks and catching up with our derby sisters.

Add skating, jumping, weaving, jamming, blocking, falling, and whatever insane foot drills Emily KickNsum makes us do and we are sweating pretty dang hard by the time we are done.

We remove our sopping wet knee and elbow pads, wrist guards, and helmets and toss them into a bag. Some of us spray them with such fancy concoctions as Lysol (hey, it's pretty effective! And cheap!), though other girls have specialized sprays that get rid of bacteria and smell pretty good on top of that.

Toss all of that into the trunk of a vehicle and leave it there for a week. It's a science experiment. A stinky, stinky science experiment.

Dire Skates practice once a week during the off season and twice a week during the regular season, but even the 3-4 days has an impact.

Imagine bile plus garbage. Vomit in the hot sun. Poisonous Fritos (I stole this last descriptor from the linked blog below. It's too good not to re-use!).

This is what derby stank smells like.

This bacteria-laden gear is removed form said bag and the rancid scent wafts straight to the noses of nearby teammates.

"Ooh, my gear stinks today!"

We know, sister. We know.

The smell of sweat during a workout is fine. It's expected, but the smell of derby stank can reach such unbearable b.o. levels, that it can clear a room (ask Klept-O about that).

There are certain ways to go about cleaning one's gear as outlined here, but the derby stank is an inevitable part of roller derby.

This is just to warn you: if you can smell us before you see us, run. Run far away.