Clinics and Tryouts

We are still riding high on our recent win against A-Town. What a great game! The score was so close throughout and we took a win only at the every end. And what a great group of ladies!

We hope you enjoyed the bout as much as we did...and maybe now you are thinking you might even like to play roller derby. We would love for you to join us on the track!

Photo credit John Wijsman

You are in luck!

We are holding skating clinics on the following Sundays 4-6pm at The Skate:

• November 30th 
• December 7th
• December 14th

We realize that you might have some hesitations and we are here to help. If you haven't skated since 10th grade, are convinced you are not the most graceful of people, or maybe have some skill, but would like to get some practice in, these clinics are for you!

Come on out to work on basic skating skills and see how we run our regular practices.

You can borrow skates and gear to start (though you will need to bring your own mouth guard, which can be purchased for a few bucks at Walmart), but you must be prepared to buy skates and gear if you want to continue. The staff at The Skate will help you order what you need because, let's face it, there are a lot of choices and things get confusing.

What my hair looks like after derby practice

We will hold tryouts on January 4th and 11th. I have previously written about how to prepare for tryouts, but I would like to add: "attend our clinics" to that list. Though you do not have to attend the clinics in order to attend tryouts, they will give you a head start!

Roller derby is great exercise, a fun way to meet people, and it is great to be a part of something that does so much for the community. Come be a part of the world's fastest growing sport!

We can't wait to see you at the clinics and tryouts!

--Bilbo Stabbins

So you wanna derby...

Have you thought about joining derby?

(If you've ever been to a bout, then answer is very likely a resounding "YES!").

Well, we are holding tryouts on June 22nd and 29th and we would love to have you join us!

Here are a few things you should know about our tryouts and joining derby in general. 

1. It's okay if you can barely skate (or cannot skate at all). We will train you. Even if you cannot roll around the track without falling a billion times, you can join if you want it bad enough. You will have a tougher time in the beginning, but derby is all about working hard to get what you want.

2. You should be exercising. Now. I should be exercising instead of writing this blog. We make a lot of what we do on the track look pretty easy, but unless you are getting some cardio in or going to Zumba or lifting weights (or all of the above!), you are probably not going to be fully prepared for the level of physical activity required for derby. It's nice out. Go for a walk, do some squats (they are your friend), and strengthen that core! You need a strong butt to hit people with so get to work! Additionally, The Skate has summer hours so if you'd like to get time in on wheels, do it!

3. You will have fun. We are hilarious and stinky and hilarious. We will make sure you feel comfortable during tryouts and afterward, but please come with a good attitude, come ready to learn, and come ready to make friends!

4. Wear comfy clothes. It is hot in The Skate (the word "Mordor" is spoken at least thirty times during each summer practice), but you also need to be able to move around and fall in your clothes.

5. We will provide skates and gear for your tryouts ONLY. Bring your own mouth guard (I will gladly share my stinky knee pads with you for tryouts, but I barely know you so sharing a mouth guard is really pushing it. $2 at Walmart will do for now. Skaters and The Skate staff can help you order gear and skates that will work well for you and within your budget.

6. You will smell awful because you will be sweaty and because you will be borrowing a stinky vet's gear. Derby stank is real.

7. You will fall. And you will get up. And you will fall again. We will teach you to fall correctly before we teach you to do much else. Safety first. 

8. You should be watching roller derby. Come to our bout on May 10th if you can! But there are so many bouts streamed online through DNN, there is a wealth of derby (women's and men's!) within about an hour of here. One blog provides .gifs of cool plays, interesting footwork, or to illustrate specific rules. It helps! And it's fun!

8. Did I mention that it will be fun?! I am serious. Everyone is so nice and we genuinely want you to join us on the track and in this whole crazy thing we call derby. 

There are other things you can do like start thinking of your derby name or stock up on cool socks and tights, but ultimately, come prepared and make sure you feel comfortable.

If you want more info, message us on Facebook, email us at thedireskates@gmail.com, or talk to your favorite roller girl.
We can't wait to see you!

--Bilbo Stabbins

Derby Stank

DJ Smear-O is a recidivist stinky gear offender

Derby is a rather sweaty sport. We sweat even when we are just standing around talking about our weeks and catching up with our derby sisters.

Add skating, jumping, weaving, jamming, blocking, falling, and whatever insane foot drills Emily KickNsum makes us do and we are sweating pretty dang hard by the time we are done.

We remove our sopping wet knee and elbow pads, wrist guards, and helmets and toss them into a bag. Some of us spray them with such fancy concoctions as Lysol (hey, it's pretty effective! And cheap!), though other girls have specialized sprays that get rid of bacteria and smell pretty good on top of that.

Toss all of that into the trunk of a vehicle and leave it there for a week. It's a science experiment. A stinky, stinky science experiment.

Dire Skates practice once a week during the off season and twice a week during the regular season, but even the 3-4 days has an impact.

Imagine bile plus garbage. Vomit in the hot sun. Poisonous Fritos (I stole this last descriptor from the linked blog below. It's too good not to re-use!).

This is what derby stank smells like.

This bacteria-laden gear is removed form said bag and the rancid scent wafts straight to the noses of nearby teammates.

"Ooh, my gear stinks today!"

We know, sister. We know.

The smell of sweat during a workout is fine. It's expected, but the smell of derby stank can reach such unbearable b.o. levels, that it can clear a room (ask Klept-O about that).

There are certain ways to go about cleaning one's gear as outlined here, but the derby stank is an inevitable part of roller derby.

This is just to warn you: if you can smell us before you see us, run. Run far away.