Vet Profile: Klept-O-Matic

Name: Klept-O-Matic

Number: 415

Position: Whatever is needed

Signature move: Falling down, and seeing how fast I can back get up.

Tell us about your non-derby self: I am a full on geek. I can sit for HOURS playing games. Either on my laptop, or my XBox 360. I love to read. Anything Sci-fi/Fantasy. Plus, I have a thing for mythology. Right now, mostly Norse Mythology. I told you, I am a geek.

A Way To Progress

(Editor's note: this is Klept-O's first contribution to our blog--welcome her!)

As a skater, you always wonder, “What can I do to make myself better?” First, don’t take extended breaks from skating. Don’t even take a week off. You would be surprised at how much it affects you. Trust me, I know from personal experience.

Seriously though, skate, a lot. Skate with your team, and skate with other teams. Find local teams who won’t mind the guest skaters, and go as often as you can. The Dire Skates are lucky. They have Gem City in Dayton, and A-Town in Anderson near by. While both are an hour drive or more, it is still well worth the drive to help better yourself as a skater.

Is there a scrimmage near by? Go. Grab as many of your team as you can and head there, asap. It goes back to the skating with others point, but it also brings more than JUST those near by people to you. Recently Em, Terahrizin, Dragon and myself (Klept-O) went to Cornfed Derby Dames scrimmage in Muncie. We met A-Towns GoldyBlox and Faye-Tality up there. It put some of us out of our element. It allowed us to do things we don’t normally do. It also allowed Dragon to put me on my butt once. (Be glad I love you, Wifey, or I would never admit that in writing.)

Watch derby, watch as much as you can. Take and bookmark Derby News Network, or subscribe to WFTDA’s youtube channel. Go to every bout that you can. See things that other people can do. That drill you didn’t understand before? Watching elite teams do it, without fail makes it click perfectly. You may not be able to do it as well, but at least you can go, “I know what it looks like, and I will do it myself.”

Finally, and this is something I fail at, cross train. Do some running, yoga, or maybe even some kick-boxing. Find whatever it is that will get that heart going, and do it. Keeping that endurance high will help in those long two minute jams. Especially when you have to do a few jams in a row.

There are probably many other things that can be done, but these are just a few things that come to mind. They also tend to be the more important things for a derby skater. Maybe that is just my opinion, though.

--- Klept-O-Matic

Pushing Through the Pain

(Editor's note: this is the first of what I hope will be many posts from my derby sisters. We all come from different backgrounds and have different strengths, goals, and interests, even within derby. I look forward to letting my sisters share their experiences with you all! --Bilbo)

If you have ever watched roller derby (either in person, or on tv), you have seen how physical the sport really is. Not only do you need to know how to skate well, but it also takes a lot of endurance. This endurance is put to the ultimate test when attempting to pass your 27 laps in 5 minutes. (Who knew that 5 minutes or 300 seconds could feel like an eternity?!)

When skating your laps, it is hard to keep track of your own, since mostly you are focusing more on not falling, while also remembering to keep breathing.  This is when it is nice to have a derby sister who is willing to count for you.  This way, you can simply focus on being as fast as possible.  

Each week at practice, you are given the opportunity to pass your laps. As you take your place on the line, you can feel the anxiety begin to settle in your mind and your gut. Wanting so badly to be able to bout, you push through the pain, even though it feels like your legs might fall off at any time.  Skate fast, turn left. Repeat.

Finally you hear the coach blow the whistle and you realize you have not passed. As he makes his way over to show you your time, you feel the disappointment set in.  As bad as you want it, you know today is not your day. Then comes the drive home, where you contemplate what you could have done differently and begin to plan your attack for next week’s practice.  Personally, I then come home and look up motivational quotes that might help me feel like less of a failure.  

This is one of my personal faves!

Week after week, you try again, watching your laps go up, then down, then up again. Every time they go up, you feel a sense of personal satisfaction, even though you still didn’t pass.

THEN ONE DAY: You skate the same laps that you have been working at for months now, and you finally pass. I cannot even begin to explain the thrill of being shown the clock and seeing a time that is less than 5 minutes. (4 minutes and 57 seconds to be exact)  Seeing those numbers, you let out a shriek of pure exhilaration and a high like no other consumes your mind and body! You have proved yourself worthy of being able to bout, and all is right with the roller derby world. (You might not be able to walk right the next day, but it is totally worth it.)  

Just remember to keep pushing and know that one day it WILL happen for you.

Much Derby love,

Jenocide

Derby Fashion: Socks

One of the first things one notices about derby is the clothing. There is a certain derby fashion sense that, in addition to the protective gear, usually involves some combination of socks, booty shorts, and glitter (and sometimes tutus). We each choose our clothing based on comfort, visual appeal, and, of course, the coolness factor.

I mean, could I be any cooler?!

Socks are a way for us as derby girls to both have fun and to express some part of our persona. Or maybe we just wear what we have clean at that moment. The world "clean" is probably even subjective.

Before I even tried out for the team, I went out and bout 10 new pairs of socks and as many tights and fishnets as I could find, because derby.

There are not enough pictures of cats in sock piles on the internet--get on that, guys!

But really, socks serve a purpose beyond the aesthetic ones listed above. As this blogger mentions, socks serve to protect the skater and to maintain a level of comfort.

We fall quite a bit and we usually skate on cement or a finished wooden floor. Sliding on either of these floors doesn't feel great no matter what, but this thin layer of tights and socks does protect us from burns that can occur (a quick search for roller derby bruises and you'll see they can be brutal...and yeah, socks won't do much to protect us in that regard).

Every girl has different sock standards. I wear tights, knee highs, and sport socks because that added padding helps me feel comfortable in my skates. Some girls just wear one pair of socks. And some girls, it smells like, have never heard of socks.

Socks, no matter why, or how they are worn, are an important part of derby. And an important part of awesome cat pictures.

Important.

Roller Derby and Charity: We Hit for a Cause

The economics of roller derby is a vast, complicated thing. And involves numbers, something I am not really good at--but I will try for your sake. Because not only do we pay to hit people, we pay to help people.

Let me explain.

We pay to play, we rent local facilities, we travel to other cities to play and stay in hotels, we have insurance, we buy gear, and we replace gear.

As Hard Dash, a writer and derby girl, explains:

"OK. Now, let’s do math. Blog followers know how I love math. According to a study by WFTDA last year, skaters spent an average of $622 on skating equipment and gear in 2011, along with $656 in travel for roller derby and $223 in other support costs (dues, tickets for events). That’s $1,500 a skater. If there are in fact 39,239 skaters that is $58,858,500  — yeah, about $59 million a year from just the skaters — not the fans, the referees, the support staff, bout venues, rinks. That $59 million goes to local skate shops, local rinks, American skate companies, local hotels."

The economy of derby is huge. And it's only growing.

One other important financial component here is that the money we make from ticket sales goes to charity. This is the derby standard. Each bout raises money for a specific charity or non-profit organization. As derby grows, so does derby's ability to give back to the local communities in which the teams reside.

Dire Skates are no different.

In the past we have bouted for BRAvo and HELP the Animals among others. Our next bout on December 8th will benefit Sunrise, Inc., a therapetic riding center. As their website states:

"Sunrise, Inc is a not-for-profit corporation, established in Wayne County in 1980, whose purpose is to promote the health and social development of physically, mentally and socially disabled people through therapeutic horseback riding."

We are so excited about being able to help fund this organization and we hope you are too! Come on out on December 8th, support local derby, and support this amazing cause!

Featuring Dragon Ballzy, Terahrizin, and classdisnissed...and is the Mr. BadAZZ NSOing?!

New Recruits

Just last month Dire Skates officially voted on six new members (AB Fab Eddie, Bilbo Stabbins, Smack Widow, GOREgon, Jenocide, and a yet to be named teammate (who clearly needs to read this) though we had all been skating with the team for months. We all came in at different times, with different levels of ability and are still quite varied on our skating ability and gameplay, but here we are. Let me say this:

Joining roller derby can be complicated.

This is not to dissuade you from trying out!

Sean Bean wants you to try out. Will I be using Sean Bean often? The answer is yes. Emphatically, yes!

Every team has a different process for joining the respective team and sometimes actually JOINING is confusing. I am speaking only about my experience with Dire Skates, though you'll find that experiences with other teams are quite similar in this regard.

When you first tryout, you are called a "new recruit" (newbie) or "fresh meat," depending on the team--there are probably other terms, but these are the terms used here.

Be warned: searching Google images for "fresh meat" is less than appetizing.

There are certainly some negative connotations associated with the latter term, but it is a phrase commonly used in derby culture. And, honestly, after a good practice I definitely feel like a giant slab of meat that has been hung up and punched repeatedly. In a good way.

Being a new recruit means there is a sort of probationary period where you are invited to be on the team, but are not technically on the team.

During this time, the new recruits train and practice with the team. Some teams have a short training period or workshops with trainers from that derby team and then hold tryouts after (Naptown and Circle City do this--this seems to be a difference primarily between larger cities/teams vs. smaller cities/teams). Either way, there is time when you are sort of on the team and sort of not, or when you sort of play derby, but not exactly. Try explaining that quickly to someone.

Or you just receive blank stares.

Once the player has reached a certain physical level or has shown certain dedication to the team, and typically once they have passed all minimum skills requirements, (that list is seven pages long in case you didn't look. SEVEN. MINIMUM! GAH!) they are voted onto the team. One of those minimum skills is that we can do 27 laps in 5 minutes, by the way (this used to be 25), which feels insane.

Actually it feels something like this. Is that why Terahrizin wears cheetah print?!

At this point, once you are voted on, you are on the team and no longer a new recruit, though you may have been practicing with your new teammates for months prior. In this way, it is nice because you are all friends, sisters, and, now, teammates.

Not only is the phrase "new recruit" somewhat confusing, but shifting from this sort of complicating category of almost-derbyness (that's a real word, right?!) to an actual member of the team requires a great deal of work: sweat, tears, vomit, bruises, aches, pains, blood, and more sweat. You can celebrate this awesome feat by taking a nap, singing loudly despite protests from your derby sisters, or making someone rub your feet or whatever celebratory action you so choose.

So be sure to welcome all of us "new recruits" as we are newly shifting into our roles as teammates and be sure to look for the "Spotlight" features where you will be introduced to all of newbies.

--Bilbo Stabbins

"Name thyself!": Choosing a Derby Name

Roller Derby names are fun. Consider names such as Suzy Hotrod and Bonnie Thunder from Gotham or Maiden America and Dora the Destroyer from one of our Hoosier teams Naptown. These names are fun, pun-filled, sexy, strong, violent, or sometimes obscene. They can be almost anything a skater wants them to be, but finding the right name can take some time.

A week in and I've used roller derby otter twice--get over it!

If you are thinking of joining roller derby, one of the first things you often do is start thinking of a name (which is fine, though I suggest you also start a workout regimen!), but know that there are some rules. Don't pick a name already taken by another skater. Here is the master list of names--be warned: it's a crazy long list! Here is a handy guide to take you through some of the other guidelines. 

But more importantly, you must choose a name you like. This can be many different things. You might like the sound of it, it might sound like your current name (Terahrizin or Jenocide), it might reflect your day job (DJ Smear-O djs, classdisnissed teaches, BadAZZ Mothercutter cuts hair and is a bada**) or it might reflect just how geeky you are (Dragon Ballzy and myself, Bilbo Stabbins). Others reflect interests or are just fun!

And sometimes they simply make no sense.

No matter what your derby name, don't rush the process and make sure YOU like the name you choose. You are basically naming (and creating) your alter ego so get creative and have fun!

Are you considering playing or reffing for derby? If so, what names are you considering?
Let us know!

--Bilbo Stabbins

Derby Stank

DJ Smear-O is a recidivist stinky gear offender

Derby is a rather sweaty sport. We sweat even when we are just standing around talking about our weeks and catching up with our derby sisters.

Add skating, jumping, weaving, jamming, blocking, falling, and whatever insane foot drills Emily KickNsum makes us do and we are sweating pretty dang hard by the time we are done.

We remove our sopping wet knee and elbow pads, wrist guards, and helmets and toss them into a bag. Some of us spray them with such fancy concoctions as Lysol (hey, it's pretty effective! And cheap!), though other girls have specialized sprays that get rid of bacteria and smell pretty good on top of that.

Toss all of that into the trunk of a vehicle and leave it there for a week. It's a science experiment. A stinky, stinky science experiment.

Dire Skates practice once a week during the off season and twice a week during the regular season, but even the 3-4 days has an impact.

Imagine bile plus garbage. Vomit in the hot sun. Poisonous Fritos (I stole this last descriptor from the linked blog below. It's too good not to re-use!).

This is what derby stank smells like.

This bacteria-laden gear is removed form said bag and the rancid scent wafts straight to the noses of nearby teammates.

"Ooh, my gear stinks today!"

We know, sister. We know.

The smell of sweat during a workout is fine. It's expected, but the smell of derby stank can reach such unbearable b.o. levels, that it can clear a room (ask Klept-O about that).

There are certain ways to go about cleaning one's gear as outlined here, but the derby stank is an inevitable part of roller derby.

This is just to warn you: if you can smell us before you see us, run. Run far away.

Vet Profile: Terahrizin

Name: Terahrizin 

Number: 0507 

Position: blocker/jammer 

Signature move: (I don't have one... Get in the way maybe?) 

Tell us about your non-derby self: I am mother of 2 and the Executive Director of the Peer Helper Program at Richmond High School. 

Why did you join roller derby?: it seemed like a good idea at the time. Ha! Just kidding. I tried out on a whim not thinking I would make it, but really wanting to try something different and out of my comfort zone. 

What is your favorite part of roller derby?: the sisterhood and the personal gains I am making.

What are your roller derby goals?: to get stronger and faster and be a regular jammer. But also be versatile and effective in every role.

What do you hope Dire Skates can do for Richmond?: I hope we can empower as many people as possible to step outside the box. Also to provide family fun to the community and get everyone involved and sharing passion for charity/volunteer work. 

What are you skating on right now?: Crazy Skates with Atom wheels.

If you could skate anywhere, anytime, where and when would it be and why? I would love to skate through the halls of the high school lol, but a far off dream would be to skate with some of the big names in derby: Hot Wheels, Quadrilles Atomatrix, Bonnie Thunder, etc. 

If you could have any famous person alive or dead join Dire Skates, who would it be and why?: I don’t know.

Tell us one thing you want us to know about yourself: on the weekends I moonlight as personal security and entertainment for BadAzz Mothercutter.

Tell us one thing about another skater: Ruby Kaboom is a ninja.

Did you know unicorns are real?

Something really great about any derby team is that it is run by the derby team. Makes sense, right? But wait.

I have a question for you: have you ever wanted to be a unicorn? Okay. Hang on.

This will make sense eventually. I hope.

Anyway, derby teams do everything: raise funds for the team, make fliers, set up the event before bouts (metal folding chairs!), marketing...all while still making time to practice to actually PLAY derby. Did I mention that us derby girls pay to play? We make nothing from this and, in fact, have to pay for equipment and practice space, but we do it because we love it.

Julia Sleazer (a person I do not know, but who seems great!) puts all of this eloquently in her blog It's Late and I'm Tired. 

But I will attempt to explain the idea somewhat here:

I should clarify my earlier point. It's not just the derby team that does it all: unicorns are the mystical beasts who make derby happen. Our players, fans, former players, supporters, family, and friends all play a part. We couldn't do it without you, unicorns!

Joe Mama--long time Dire Skates supporter and cheese expert

For those of you already doing your part, THANK YOU!

If you feel compelled to become a unicorn, contact us or chat with us at our next bout (December 8th!) and find out how you can help support local derby.

Much love,

Bilbo Stabbins

Junior Derby

Roller derby is great because anyone who WANTS to play CAN play. You can be taught to skate well and the strategy involved in gameplay can be picked up as you go. The only restriction is that a potential skater must be overage, but NO MORE! Come hang out with us, ladies ages 11-17. We are excited to meet young women interested in derby! Come learn about derby (of course), but also come to reap the benefits of derby: exercise, community, fun, and more!

Ignore that date, come join us any Sunday this Novemeber 4-5pm at The Skate in Richmond. Still not sure? Feel free to come watch our practice during that time and see what you think.

I hope to see you out there!

--Bilbo Stabbins

New Blog - "It's nice in here!"

Hello? Hello?! Is anyone there?

Oh, hi!

We are The Dire Skates "Richmond's Derby Little Secret"--welcome to our brand spankin' new blog!

Wow, this is really exciting!

Okay, I will calm down.

But really, this is very exciting! This blog will be home to lots of great info about The Dire Skates, including, but not limited to, information about the team members, updates about bouts, stories from the trenches, and reflections on roller derby in general. Look for 'Spotlights' where you'll get to meet the new recruits and get to know the vets a little more, look for 'dire'-y entries from the new recruits (did you guys know this stuff is hard?!), and, more importantly, look for information about the bouts.

Welcome to our blog!

--Bilbo Stabbins